So...What Counts as Domestic Violence?

Note. I am not a domestic violence advocate or legal professional. The information in this blog is for educational purposes only.

When you hear the term "domestic violence", what comes to mind?

Many of us probably think first of physical abuse. Hitting, slapping, biting, choking, or any form of physical harm falls under the umbrella of physical abuse and is absolutely one form of domestic violence.

But what if there are "things" happening in your relationship that don't feel right that have you questioning what's going on...but you've never been hurt (physically)?

Yes, there are absolutely other types of domestic violence that don't involve physical assault.

These include: verbal, emotional/psychological, financial, sexual, social isolation, and digital abuse.

Verbal Abuse involves threats, yelling, insults, or using words to intimidate and belittle.

Emotional/Psychological Abuse includes name-calling, constant criticism, humiliation, gaslighting, and manipulation that cause someone to question their reality or self-worth.

Financial Abuse can look like taking control of money, withholding access to bank accounts, limiting a partner’s ability to work, or creating financial dependence.

Sexual Abuse is any unwanted or coerced sexual contact or activity with a partner. Reproductive coercion (which could include forcing a partner to become pregnant, have a child, tampering with contraceptive methods, forcing a partner into an unwanted abortion) would also fall under this category.

Social Isolation involves creating separation and distance, literally and figuratively from a partner's family, friends, and social supports. This also could include restricting or refusing access to medical or mental health care or refusing transportation to appointments. This creates dependency and exerts control.

Digital Abuse can be using technology to stalk, monitor, or harass—such as reading messages without permission, demanding passwords, constant “checking in”, questioning location, sneaking tracking devices or airtags onto a car, person, or device.

In no way should this be taken as an exhaustive list. There is nuance and overlap, as you can probably tell just by reading through these examples. Domestic violence tends to be a pattern of behaviors and actions that seek to control one's partner. It can happen quickly in a relationship, or develop slowly over time.

If you or someone you know is in a violent relationship, help is available.

National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Blackburn Center (24-hour hotline, serving Westmoreland County) — 1-888-832-2272

If you are in danger, call 911.