Dealing With the Holidays When You Just Don't Want to

It's (almost) that time of year. Thanksgiving. Hannukah. Christmas. Kwanza. The holidays are approaching quickly. For many, this causes feelings of depression, anxiety, dread. If this is you, read on for some tips.

1. Redefine What the Holidays Mean for You.

You’re allowed to reimagine the season. Traditions can change. Maybe this year isn’t about big family gatherings — maybe it’s about quiet, peace, or starting something new. Let go of what you think you “should” and create a version of the holidays that fits your current life. And, what you decide for this year does not have to be prescriptive for the rest of your life. If you decide to skip out on Thanksgiving dinner with your Great Aunt Sally who will question umpteen times why you "still" aren't married and opt in for a low-key Friendsgiving or to spend the day volunteering at a local community dinner, you can always go back to Great Aunt Sally's next year or do something else. These decisions don't have to be permanent, even though it can feel that way sometime!

2. Set Clear Boundaries

If being around certain people feels painful, stressful, or downright traumatic, it’s okay to say no. You can shorten visits, skip events, or choose who you spend time with. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about protecting your peace. "Mom, we will not be attending dinners where Uncle Scott is present." is totally valid. Mom does not need to agree.

3. Honor Your Feelings

Even if you know that it is in your best interest not to spend Christmas with your extended family, it's still normal to feel guilt, sadness, etc. over this. Allow your feelings to come and to feel them. You might find it helpful to repeat a mantra - "this year, I am protecting my peace" - when these thoughts arise.

4. Create New Rituals or Traditions

Spend some time reflecting on what you want to do. Start a First Day Hike tradition? Taking the family to collect food donations? Playing Santa for a family in need? You (and your partner, if you are partnered up!) get to reimagine and recreate what you want your holidays to look like. If you focus only on what you don't want to do, you may forget to actually invest the time figuring out what you do want to do. It's okay if you don't get it quite right this year. You can try something else next year!

5. Reach out for Support

Whether it's a friend, a group, or a therapist. The holidays are stressful and it's not unusual for people to struggle this time of year. Changing the pattern from what you've always done can stir up feelings that you haven't fully processed yet, and that makes total sense. Caring Conversations is here to help. Give us a call, send us a text at 724.201.9815 or send us a message here. We are here to support you!

Please note, I am not a therapist or licensed professional. The contents of this blog should be taken as an educational resource only!