Hot Take: There's No One Right Way to do Christmas

Note, I am not a therapist. I am Director for Caring Conversations, and have years of social work experience, but I'm also just a mom with an opinion to blog about. This article is intended to spark discussion in your homes and for psychoeducational purposes only. This blog does not constitute or replace therapy.

If you're a parent on social media, it's that time of year. You know what I mean: mom/parent guilt but with a holiday twist - letting your kids believe in Santa is lying and will undoubtedly bring trauma and resentment later in life. Elf on the Shelf? You know your kids will only behave if they're getting something. They need internal motivation, too you know. Wait Santa brings your children presents? Oh in our house, the parents bring presents, and Santa brings 1. It simply wouldn't be fair to children who don't get a lot.

And so on and so on.

It grates on my nerves every year. The idea that how one family does Christmas (or any holiday, I'm just focusing on Christmas because that's what we celebrate in my house) is somehow better or worse than how anyone else chooses to celebrate.

Take Santa. My experience with Santa was, I eventually figured it out. I was bummed, but I understood. I did not feel "lied" to. I was sad that the magic wasn't real. Obviously that is just my experience - I know there are some people who absolutely felt lied to, or even traumatized by the experience. Our experiences from childhood absolutely impact how we choose to parent our children. But I think that's my point: what one family chooses to do is not better or worse than what anyone else does. Most of us as parents want to do what we feel is best for our children, and what value around the holidays differs from family to family.

I saw a post on Facebook that sparked the idea for this blog post. The post was saying that "experience" gifts are not better than material presents. If a family lacks resources, then it can be so much easier to purchase a new toy or two than a membership to the zoo. And, realistically, you can't hit up the buy nothing group for an experience gift (typically). But the opposite holds true too: if you prefer to gift experience gifts, you aren't wrong for doing so. Both have value and merit, the real world is not as "black and white" as some of the popular social media influences would have you thinking!

If doing Elf on the Shelf brings you joy, do it. If moving that cheeky bugger causes you stress, your kids can have a fantastic holiday without it. If you tell your children that Santa is real, go for it. If you feel uneasy with that tradition, release it and find other traditions that suit your values.

I have so much compassion for children who don't receive as much - those children matter, and inequality stings - and another family's traditions are also important and do not have to carry the weight of someone else's circumstances. Collective fairness isn’t solved at the level of individual holiday choices; it’s supported when we teach our kids kindness, gratitude, and awareness. For our family, we choose at least three children to give gifts to so we are doing our part in ensuring children are getting gifts at Christmas. In our home, we talk about how not every family has what we have (and we don't have what others may have, too!), and how when we donate our things, it helps people who don't have as much.

And could I suggest...if you're following accounts that make you feel like a crummy parent, it might be time to hit the "unfollow" button?

However you choose to celebrate the holidays, if you choose to celebrate, I hope it's magical.