Valentine's Day After Kids

Valentine's day is different after kids. Read on for some ideas on incorporating your relationship and your children.

Please note, this blog is written and maintained by non-clinical staff. It should therefore be taken as psychoeducation, opinion, and entertainment only. If you are experiencing a crisis, please call 911 for emergencies, or 988 for mental health crises.

Okay, I hate posting about Valentine's day. People have strong opinions about it: everything from it's a made-up Hallmark holiday invented for consumerism to it's the most romantic day of the year. It can be an emotionally charged day - both positive and negative. So before I say anything, I want to validate that wherever you find yourself this Valentine's day, it's valid. You are enough. You are worth so much. If Valentine's day is hard, that makes sense. If it is your favorite day, that's also okay. There's such a spectrum to our experiences and values, and wherever you fall is okay.

I always write on the disclaimer that this blog should be taken as opinion (psychoeducation, & entertainment) only. I really like how my family has come to handle Valentine's day post-children, and wanted to share our experience. Just like the first paragraph where I say that your opinions and experiences of Valentine's day are valid, so is how you handle the day within your family. What I'm writing isn't backed by research, and if you choose differently in your own family, I don't think that's wrong. I do know that it took my family a few years to land on how we wanted to handle Valentine's day after we had kids, and I'm really happy with what we do now.

For us, we have two separate Valentine's day celebrations. We have a "family" celebration. The kids get a small gift and candy, and we do something fun as a family (dinner, Urban Air, bowling). Then, mom and dad go on a separate date night and exchange a gift as well. For us, this honors both the children's need to be and feel love, and also shows the kids that mom and dad also have a separate romantic relationship separate from them. It honors both the family and the marriage/couple. For us, the specific date doesn't matter. We might celebrate Valentine's day anytime within a week of the actual holiday (and in many cases do this on purpose because of inflated costs, crowds, etc on the actual day).

Some other ideas to honor the family and relationship would be to make a special breakfast as a family (heart shaped pancakes, pink smoothies), create a special ritual as a couple (no phones after the kids go to bed, write each other a love letter, order some takeout). A family "love hike", where each member of the family talks about something they love. A special movie night. There are so many ways to celebrate.

An important note is to express clearly what you're wanting/expecting from Valentine's day. Even if you think it's a made-up day of consumerism, but you secretly want to celebrate, don't assume that your partner can read your mind (they can't) (unfortunately!).

This is just our experience, and I would love to hear your Valentines day traditions as well! Be sure to comment below to give other's ideas! :)

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