Back-to-school season comes with new teachers, new routines, new friendships—and sometimes new challenges. While we may spend weeks preparing our children with school supplies, schedules, and new shoes, there is another important conversation worth having before the first day: bullying.

Talking about bullying doesn't mean we expect it to happen. In fact, giving children the tools to recognize bullying, respond safely, and ask for help can help them feel more confident as they navigate the school year.

Here are 5 things every child should know about bullying before heading back to school.

1. Bullying is not the same thing as a disagreement.

Kids don't have to like everyone. Friendships can change. Children can have arguments, misunderstand one another, and while we do have to be kind, we don't have to be friends with every single person.

Having a conflict with someone doesn't automatically mean bullying is happening.

Bullying generally involves repeated unwanted or aggressive behavior and an imbalance of power, whether that power comes from physical strength, popularity, social status, or another factor.

That distinction matters because we don't want children to feel like every conflict requires an adult to immediately step in—but we also don't want them to dismiss ongoing harmful behavior as "normal." Learning to navigate age-appropriate problems in an age-appropriate way is really good for kids! If they have doubt, they should always know to tell a parent or teacher.

2. They don't have to handle bullying alone.

One of the most important messages your child can hear is:

"You never have to handle something that feels unsafe by yourself."

Some children worry that telling an adult will make things worse. Others may feel embarrassed, afraid of being called a tattletale, or believe they should be able to handle it on their own.

Remind your child that asking for help is not tattling when someone is being hurt, threatened, excluded, or repeatedly targeted.

Help your child identify several trusted adults they can go to at school, such as:

• Their teacher

• A school counselor

• A principal or other administrator

• A coach

• A school nurse

• Another trusted staff member

And, of course, you.

If your child tells you something is happening, start by listening. They don't necessarily need an immediate lecture or a solution.

Try:

"I'm really glad you told me."

"You don't deserve to be treated that way."

"Let's figure out what we can do together."

3. They should know what to do when bullying happens.

We can't control what another child chooses to do. But we can help our children develop a plan for what they can do.

Depending on the situation, that might include:

Stay near other people. Bullies may be less likely to target a child who is surrounded by supportive peers or adults.

Use a calm, confident voice. If it feels safe, your child can say something simple like, "Stop. I don't like that", or "No."

Walk away. Your child doesn't have to win an argument or get the last word.

Get an adult .Especially when there are threats, physical aggression, repeated harassment, or a situation that feels unsafe.

Keep telling. If the first adult doesn't take the concern seriously, your child can—and should—tell another trusted adult.

Their job is to get safe and get help.

4. Being bullied is never their fault.

It is not your child's fault if someone bullies them.

Not because of their clothes.

Not because they're quiet.

Not because they're different.

Not because they made a mistake.

Not because they don't have many friends.

Not because they "should have said something."

Children who experience bullying sometimes begin searching for a reason it happened. They may wonder what they could have done differently or whether something about them caused the behavior.

Help them separate responsibility from explanation:

There may be reasons someone behaves cruelly, but those reasons do not make your child responsible for being mistreated.

Your child deserves to feel safe, respected, and supported at school. Full stop.

5. They can always tell you—even if it's embarrassing.

This might be the most important conversation of all.

Kids don't always tell adults when they're being bullied.

They may be embarrassed. They may worry about getting in trouble. They may think their parents will overreact. They may be afraid that telling will make the bullying worse.

So instead of simply saying, "Tell me if someone bullies you," make it clear that your child can bring you uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassing, or scary things.

You might say:

And then listen when they do.

Sometimes the most protective thing we can give our children isn't the perfect response.

It's the certainty that they don't have to face hard things alone.

Before the First Day, Have the Conversation

And then keep having conversations.

You don't need to sit your child down for a two-hour lecture about bullying.

Look for natural opportunities. We used the movie Toy Story 5 to discuss bullying. Children are very aware of people being unkind to others. These opportunities are perfect natural opportunities.

Talk in the car. Bring it up while shopping for school supplies. Discuss different scenarios at dinner. Ask what they would do if they saw another child being picked on.

You can even practice responses together:

"What could you say if someone keeps making fun of you?"

"Who could you go to if you didn't feel safe?"

"What would you do if you saw someone else being bullied?"

The goal isn't to scare children into expecting the worst.

Just like we encouraged in this blog on Body safety, discussing bullying is empowering to children; it doesn't take away their innocence.

When Bullying Begins Affecting Your Child's Mental Health

Bullying can affect more than a child's experience at school. Ongoing bullying may contribute to anxiety, sadness, withdrawal, changes in sleep or appetite, difficulty concentrating, school avoidance, or a decline in self-esteem.

If you notice significant changes in your child's behavior or emotional well-being, consider reaching out to their pediatrician, school support team, or a qualified mental health professional.

And remember: your child doesn't have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Therapy can provide children with a safe place to process difficult experiences, build coping skills, strengthen confidence, and learn healthy ways to navigate challenging relationships.

If your child is struggling with bullying, anxiety, school stress, or another difficult transition, you don't have to figure it out alone.

Back-to-school preparation isn't just about backpacks and school supplies. Sometimes the most important things we can send our kids to school with are reassurances that we love them and will always be there for them.

This blog is written and maintained by non-clinical staff. It should therefore be taken as psychoeducation, and not as medical advice or a replacement for therapy. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, please call 911. For a mental health crisis that is not life-threatening, please call 988.