It wasn't that Bad...Or Was it? What 'Counts' as Trauma?

Please note, this blog is written, researched, and maintained by non-clinical staff. Therefore, the blog should be taken as psychoeducation only and not as medical or therapy advice or as a replacement for therapy. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, please call 911. If you are experiencing a non life threatening mental health crisis, please call 988.

Trauma is not just about the event of the intensity of the event. How it lands in the body is equally important.

Trauma isn't defined by what happened. It's defined by how your nervous system responds to it.

An event is Traumatic when the event overwhelms the body's ability to cope. It can be a single event, several small events, occur at once, or over a long period of time. To make things more complicated, two people can experience the same event and be impacted differently. Did you catch that? It's important - trauma is not just about the event or the intensity of the event. How it lands in the body, so to speak, is equally important.

Therapists often divide trauma into two categories "Big T" trauma and "Little t" trauma. Some definitions and examples of this are below, though please note these are not exhaustive lists!

Big T

When we talk about "Big T" Trauma, we're talking about those major, life-altering events that can shape who we are, our sense of safety and our sense of control. With Big T Trauma, the impacts linger long after the event has passed. When most people think of "trauma", their minds probably first think of these:

War

Physical violence

Experiencing a natural disaster

Accidents (car accidents)

Sexual Abuse

Witnessing violence

School or public shootings

Being the victim of a crime (robbery, carjacking, kidnapping)

Sudden loss of a parent, child, friend, loved one

Bullying

Medical diagnoses or medical events

Birth trauma

Terrorism

Refuge status

Childhood neglect

Domestic violence/intimate partner violence (IPV)

Little t

Little t traumas are painful experiences that deeply hurt us, but do not necessarily threaten our life or sense of safety. Little t trauma can often fly under the radar, and when suffers of little t trauma are informed that what they've experienced is in fact trauma, sometimes they are in denial of it. Some examples of little t trauma are:

Parental conflict or Divorce

Losing a job

Bullying

Verbal criticisms

Ending a relationship

Ongoing criticism

Medical diagnoses, chronic illness

Infertility

Infidelity or other betrayal trauma

Friendship breakups

Spiritual or religious abuse

Vicarious or secondhand trauma (often seen in therapists, doctors, nurses, first responder, police officers, firefighters, etc. who see trauma in their daily lives)

Because little t trauma flies under the radar, it often does not get recognized or validated, even though it can overwhelm your nervous systems ability to cope. In fact, your nervous system can't distinguish between what is life threatening and what isn't (is your boss upset that you missed a deadline or are you being chased by a tiger? Your nervous system cannot tell.) Your body does not slow down to ask, "am I in danger", it simply reacts.

Because these types of trauma are less visible, people often downplay them or try to push through. However, over time, this can buildup can take a toll—on your self-esteem, your relationships, and your ability to manage stress. Studies even suggest that a series of little t traumas can cause more emotional harm than a single, bigger traumatic event.

The Body Keeps the Score: How the Body Holds Trauma: Understanding Its Physical Imprint

Trauma doesn’t only live in your thoughts or memories — it also lives in your body. Even when you’re not actively thinking about what happened, your body may still be responding as if the stress never fully ended. This can show up as ongoing tension, exhaustion, sleep problems, or physical symptoms that don’t seem to have a clear cause. These reactions aren’t random. They’re signs that your body is still carrying the imprint of trauma, and recognizing them is an important part of healing.

The Biological Impact of Trauma

When trauma occurs, it creates real, measurable changes in the brain and nervous system. These changes are meant to protect you in the moment, but when trauma isn’t fully processed, they can linger and affect long-term well-being. Common biological effects include:

• Challenges with emotional regulation: Trauma can disrupt the areas of the brain responsible for managing emotions, making it harder to stay grounded or respond to stress in balanced ways.

• A body stuck in stress mode: Trauma often leads to prolonged release of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Over time, this keeps your nervous system on high alert, even when there’s no immediate threat.

• Changes in brain chemistry: Trauma can alter neurotransmitters that influence mood, energy levels, pain sensitivity, and overall physical well-being.

When trauma happens early in life — especially during childhood — these changes can affect brain development. Chronic stress during formative years increases the risk for long-term mental health challenges and ongoing physical health issues.

How Trauma Shows Up Physically

Trauma-related stress often appears in the body in ways that don’t immediately seem connected to past experiences. You may notice:

• Persistent tension and hypervigilance: Difficulty relaxing, disrupted sleep, muscle tightness, or feeling jumpy even in safe or calm situations.

• Ongoing physical symptoms: Headaches, stomach issues, body pain, dizziness, fatigue, sweating, shaking, or appetite changes. These can all be signs that your nervous system is still operating in survival mode.

These symptoms are very real and can significantly affect daily life. Over time, unrelieved trauma-related stress may increase the risk of chronic pain, digestive issues, cardiovascular problems, and other health concerns.

When the Stress Response Doesn’t Shut Off

Your body is designed to respond to short-term danger (Think thousands of years ago. A rustle in the leaves could be a rabbit or bear. Our nervous systems had to be wired for our safety. We still carry that genetic imprint today.) In moments of threat, it activates the “fight, flight, or freeze” response by releasing stress hormones. Normally, once the danger passes, the body returns to a state of balance.

With trauma — especially when it’s ongoing or unresolved — that reset doesn’t always happen. The nervous system remains activated far longer than it should, slowly wearing you down physically, emotionally, and mentally. This prolonged stress response can contribute to fatigue, weakened immunity, emotional reactivity, and difficulty feeling safe or at ease.

That’s why trauma healing often requires more than talking alone. Supporting the body is just as important as addressing thoughts and emotions. Practices such as breathwork, gentle movement, mindfulness, and trauma-informed therapy help calm the nervous system, restore a sense of safety, and create the conditions needed for healing.

“I Didn’t Know I Was Traumatized”: Signs You May Be Carrying Trauma

Many people don’t recognize trauma until long after the original experiences occurred. If you’ve ever felt like something feels “off” but couldn’t explain why, these signs may offer some clarity:

• Intrusive memories or flashbacks: Unwanted memories, nightmares, or sudden emotional responses that feel intense or vivid, often triggered without warning.

• Emotional flooding or numbness: Cycles of fear, anger, shame, or guilt — or feeling emotionally disconnected, flat, or detached from yourself and others.

• Avoidance patterns: Steering clear of certain people, places, or topics as a way to stay safe, even if it limits your life or relationships.

• Shifts in mood or thinking: Feeling foggy, hopeless, disconnected, or unlike your former self. Joy and connection may feel harder to access.

• Heightened reactivity: Being easily startled, constantly on edge, or struggling with sleep. Physical signs like a racing heart, sweating, or muscle tightness may also be present.

• Risky or self-protective behaviors: Using substances, withdrawing emotionally, or engaging in unsafe behaviors as ways to cope with unprocessed pain.

Noticing these patterns isn’t a diagnosis or an indication that anything is "wrong" with you, but rather, it’s an invitation to understanding and the beginning of healing. Recognizing how trauma may be showing up allows for greater self-compassion and opens the door to support that truly meets you where you are. Healing becomes possible when both your story and your nervous system are given the care they deserve.

Trauma is extremely common, with estimates that between 50-70% of people will experience a traumatic event in their lifetimes. And, healing is possible. At Caring Conversations, we have helped numerous clients through a trauma-informed lense heal and live happy and fulfilling lives. If you are in the Greensburg area or Westmoreland County, PA, or anywhere in Pennsylvania virtually, reach out. You're worth it :)