Feel Your Feels: Concealing Didn't Work for Elsa and It Won't Work for You
Starting to feel your feels after years of suppression is slow work. Your body has likely learned to protect you by staying out of feeling...Well, anything. That protection probably kept you safe as a child, and it deserves respect. However, if you're reading this post, you've probably come to realize that concealing your feelings won't work forever.
So...where to start?
The hard work of feeling your feels begins with noticing. Noticing that your chest gets tight when someone’s disappointed in you. That your stomach drops when you feel left out.That you hold your breath when you’re trying not to cry. In moments of stress or sadness, the body often knows what we feel before our minds can make sense of it. So the work begins there
Understanding Your Window of Tolerance.
This is where the window of tolerance, a concept developed by the great Dr. Dan Siegel, comes in. Your window of tolerance is the range where your nervous system can stay regulated enough to process emotions without tipping into shutdown or overwhelm.
When you’ve been through trauma or long periods of emotional numbness and suppressed emotions, that window can get very narrow. Too much activation can send you into hyperarousal (think panic, rage, or anxiety), while too much shutdown leads to hypoarousal (numbness, dissociation, or depression). So the work becomes about expanding it gently, over time.
The goal of emotional healing isn’t to stay comfortable all the time—it’s to widen that window, so you can stay with your experience without it becoming too much. That means working slowly, and respecting your body’s cues, which is where titration and pendulation come in.
The Role of Titration and Pendulation When Working with Suppressed Emotions & Emotional Numbness
Titration means touching overwhelming emotional content in small, manageable doses. One breath. One sensation. One flicker of recognition. That might be all your system can tolerate today, and that’s not a failure. This work takes time.
We also don’t stay in the hard stuff the whole time. We pendulate, moving back and forth between discomfort and safety. Between the tightness in your chest and the warmth of a blanket. Between a memory that stings and the feeling of your feet on the ground. This rhythm, called pendulation, helps your nervous system learn that it’s safe to approach pain and safe to return to calm.
These terms come from the work of Dr. Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing, and are essential in this kind of healing work. When used together, titration and pendulation create a structure for emotional work that is deeply respectful of the body’s pace and protective patterns. They’re not shortcuts, but they are sustainable.
Honoring The Slow Journey From Emotional Numbness to Feeling
The process is slow. It’s more about quiet noticing than big emotional breakthroughs. It’s about honoring even the smallest shifts: a flicker of heat in your face, a lump in your throat, a sigh you didn’t realize you’d been holding in. These are not small things - congratulate yourself, because it's amazing that you noticed it. The next step is naming them - name it to tame it.
The Feelings Wheel.
A feelings wheel is a visual diagram that helps people identify, label, and understand their emotions. Simply google "the feelings wheel" and several will appear - which you reference doesn't matter - what matters is looking at the feelings and starting to figure out exactly what it is you're feeling.
Why People Use It
• Emotional Intelligence: Naming a specific emotion helps lower its intensity—a concept often called "name it to tame it".
• Better Communication: Instead of giving a vague response like "I'm fine" or "I'm mad," you can pinpoint the exact issue to share with a partner, friend, or therapist.
• Mindfulness and Journaling: It serves as a practical check-in tool during daily self-reflection, stress, or conflict resolution
If you've spent suppressing your feelings, and you're ready to make like Elsa and "let it go", you don't have to do it alone. At Caring Conversations Therapeutic Services we believe all people are capable of change. We'd be honored to walk with you on this journey. We serve clients in Greensburg, PA, and online across PA - because we all deserve healing, in Seneca, Fairchance, and Confluence - and everywhere in between. Call or text (724.201.9815) , or click the link below!
This blog is written by non-clinical staff and should only be taken as psycheducation and opinion only and not as medical advice or a replacement for therapy. If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 911. For a mental health crisis that is not life-threatening please call 988.
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